https://doalittlegoodblog.files.wordpress.com/2012/10/156418_10150728232702205_91771242_n.jpg?w=580&h=214
Link to my outline.
Mikayla Gerdes-Morgan does an excellent job in her essay of writing strong topic sentences that relate well to the evidence presented in the paragraph. The organization in her paragraphs is well done; she does a nice job of following the rules of PIE. She is also very conscious about including evidence that relates directly to her topic sentence and her arguments.
She does an exceptional job in the second paragraph of writing a clear topic sentence and then providing evidence that directly backs up her arguments presented in her topic sentence. Her topic sentence argues that Nolot, a documentary producer and writer, appeals to the viewers' emotions with his dramatic images of victims and how they are treated like objects. She goes on to include evidence of this, like how girls must walk a dehumanizing 'runway' and comparing the treatment of girls with the treatment of dogs. Her evidence directly correlates to her argument in her topic sentence, which is crucial to a well written essay.
However, the following paragraph lacks a strong topic sentence. It does not present a very strong argument, and the paragraph does not introduce substantial new evidence. It reiterates the dog piece from the previous paragraph without adding new insight. The paragraph could be improved by rewriting the topic sentence to make it more argumentative, rather than a summary, and by providing a new piece of evidence.
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